Remember how we realized I was allergic to my implants, and I had them removed?
And I got better?
But I had a complication from surgery, and my salivary gland was blocked with a stone, so I had to go on antibiotics and hot salt water rinses to let it drain? And it was getting so much better?
Well it was a-faking.
The goiter I got to enjoy during Christmas (bad swelling under my chin from the clogged salivary gland) had gone down and I was feeling very good!
Until the new year, when I started struggling with pain again.
Yesterday it became unbearable and the surgeon kept telling me to "just go to the ER."
Even though he is a specialist that performed a procedure on me that is having all of these negative after-effects... he is tired of dealing with my mysterious and frequent health problems, and does not appreciate that not all of us can jet off from our jobs for 6 hours and drop a couple hundred bucks for an afternoon in the Emergency Room.
So I gritted my teeth (well not really, that would be far too painful) and I've been trying to ignore the pain. And my PTSD, which is attempting to sneak up on me. Looking in the mirror, with this lump on my neck, I am reminded of when I had a cancerous tumor as a 7 year old. And that makes my Post Traumatic Stress go RAAAAAAAWR!!
And I squeal "SHUT UP PLEASE!! HOW CAN ANYONE GET ANY WORK DONE WHEN YOU ARE raaawring IN THEIR HEAD AND SPIRIT?! COME BACK LATER WHEN I'M WELL-RESTED AND CAN HANDLE YOUR ANTICS!"
But it is a strong and unfeeling thing, so my best arguments with it are quite unsuccessful.
I am seeing the surgeon this afternoon to figure out what the devil is going on now (another infection? An inflamed nerve?).
And I am kicking myself for thinking that 2013 was an escape.
You know how, when things go bad, you picture yourself jumping in a convertible with a knapsack of clothes and bottle of tequila and just cruising down to the Mexican border?
Because you figure problems can't chase you there. They get to the line that marks the beginning of another country and turn back, kicking the dirt in their surrender.
Well I felt that way about 2013.
I thought I was leaving my pains and surgery scars and the emotional scars and the absolute mess that has been my health for the last 2 years behind.
I will be the first to admit I was wrong.