Friday, September 28, 2012

Tommy Boy Drinking Game


If you know my hubby and I, we're Tommy Boy fans.  Hell yes.

We both came into this marriage with an equal appreciation for the movie, and with our powers combined...!!  My voicemail alert is even "fat guy in a little coat."

So last weekend, when we wanted to party it up without actually leaving our apartment because we were a bit tired, and trying to save some dough...I was like "40S AND TOMMY BOY!"
and Eli was like "YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!"

Let me share a brief clip to help get you stoked, in order to better understand our stoked-ness:

"New guy's in the corner, puking his guts out!"

So we went to Bueno Fun Central (aka the liquor store). But this time I was not wearing my Cowboys jersey and short shorts, like last time (another story for another day) because I wanted to go incognito so the creepers would not recognize me. It worked.

And we got that nasty Olde English 800 shit (It seems so ridiculous that they add an "e" to if that makes it a distinguished, tasty merely adds to the pompous disgustingness of it).
And had a 10 minute discussion with the liquor store clerk about a drinking game called "Moose Head" that he was very gung ho about, yet unable to explain in a succinct and logical manner.
All that I got was something to do with an ice tray...?

And then we went home and the drinking game began!

  • Drink whenever - - - - - 
  • Richard insults Tommy
  • Tommy says "shut up Richard"
  • Tommy says "son of a!"  "that's gonna leave a mark" or "holy schhnikes!"
  • someone says "Big Tom" or "Tommy Boy"
  • someone mentions brake pads
  • there is any damage done to Richard's car

There are plenty of other options, obviously, but when you get into it, the fewer rules the better. And these are enough to make it work!

By the time our favorite scene arrived, we were pleasantly tipped and re-enacted it at the top of our lungs.  It strengthened our love.

And then we had this conversation:

ELI:  "uuugh Olde English crap! What does the "malt" even mean?!"
MARE:  "I know, it's damned awful."
ELI:  "It's the aftertaste that is so killer."
MARE:  "Yeah, it is as though they tried to make a honeyed beer and forgot to put the honey in.  So they threw in some Splenda packets after the fact."
ELI:  "Ewww Splenda! You're so right! That would account for the chemical aftertaste!"
MARE: "Yeah Splenda is gross."

and this conversation:

MARE: "Well he's a damn sight short of a linebacker."
ELI:  "What does that even mean?!!"
MARE: *thinking*....."I have no idea."

ELI: "Did you just scratch your nose with that pretzel?"
MARE:  "Why...yes, I did.  It was strange, but oddly satisfying."

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Have you heard of these guys??
They make hysterical and historically accurate videos.
Like this:
Check em out!
My friends and I love these guys--so much so that oftentimes we could be having an incredible, raging party--rocking out to the best music, sipping one of my famous iced cocktails mixed in a giant, potent batch (observe the "Holy Grail jug" in these images...can you find it??)--and we end up plopping on the carpet and spending 40 minutes watching all of the videos, discussing them in giggles, and then watching them again!

We are raging fans.
Mainly because historians are pegged as boring nerds, and these videos prove otherwise and give us history kids some street cred.

Anyhow...they take suggestions for their next battles and I have been sending them emails for MONTHS begging them to do a JFK version.
I know it would reference him being a man-whore that gets his head blown off, but hey, it is all for the sake of fun!
And I sent them several requesting JFK vs Nixon, which is funny because it was an ACTUAL battle of history--the election--but they didn't do nearly as much name-calling and opponent bashing then, so I feel this rap is particularly necessary!
My best friend Torie also contributed to the barrage of requests we sent them.

And this morning, on their Facebook, was a little hint that in a few days' time, a new battle is coming out...and it may involve JFK and Tricky Dick!!! Aaaaaaaaaahhh! SUCCESS. (We hope and think). 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Wedding Day Revisited

Last weekend my hubby and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary!
What a hell of a year it has been, full of more highs and lows than years usually are, but one that only brought us closer than ever.
And although we are considered pretty young to be married (well, we fit right in here in Utah), we've now been together for 8 years total.
And miraculously our "honeymoon stage" has never ended!

We celebrated by going to Farmer's Markets, the State Fair (always a good idea until you get there), and returning to the log cabin restaurant where we were married for an insanely delicious feast.

Park City Farmer's Market, running right down historic Main Street!

Brunch at the Eating Establishment, complete with mimosas and the crossword.

Utah State Fair

We absolutely loved our wedding at Log Haven.
One of us mentions it on a weekly basis! It was heavenly. Despite the downpour that threatened to ruin it! We like to think this is why our marriage is so badass; the rain.
In many cultures, rain signifies blessings, unity, cleansing, and prosperity (think about the basic significance of rain--it provides essential moisture, helps crops flourish, etc.).
Rain makes things grow.
And Indians, in particular, emphasize the notion of "tying the knot."  A wet knot in rope is much more difficult to untie than a dry knot, so they believe if you are wed in the rain, your knot is wet and therefore your relationship is stronger.
And boy, did we have rain!
We had rain at my bridal shower (it had to move indoors), returning from the bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas, at the wedding, and there were several tropical downpours on our honeymoon in the Caribbean!

Our wedding at Log Haven was in the outdoor arena, where the wedding party came down a grassy tiered amphitheater to end up on a patio with the mountains in the background (we were married up a local canyon).  The reception was also outdoors, but thankfully they had an awning that covered the porch for the reception.  The staff had a backup plan--we could be married in the reception area, but we held out.  I really wanted to walk down that long grassy aisle, rain be damned.
And so we waited.
They plied our guests with potstickers and dolmathes (our appetizers of choice) and cocktails.  And we waited... I was in my wedding dress, and thus trapped in the bridal room dancing out my nerves with my bridesmaids and sipping white wine.
The staff was patient and it all worked out! An hour and a half late, they dried off the seats and I sashayed down the aisle, getting my dress all muddy, of course.  Good thing I was wearing my trusty cowboy boots! It was a hell of a gig, and though things "went wrong," we were flexible and just so happy to be getting married that any problems were minor.

There was beer and cupcakes and we danced until midnight.  Our wedding was just so us.

It was gorgeous.
And the food at our wedding...sweet fancy Moses.
It is the best food I have ever tasted.
Which is why we were so stoked to revisit the place and have another dinner (at our wedding we scarcely had a chance to eat the roast chicken with mashed potatoes and veggies!).
And it was just as good if not better.

We both had the surf and turf! Sweet succulent lobster...mmm...

The patio where it all happened! My dress is from Mango.

1 Year Baby !

After stuffing our faces to oblivion and blissing out on our favorite wine,
we came home and collapsed with Sleepless in Seattle, debating whether or not
You've Got Mail is better, or equally great.
Now that's love!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

My Reactions

All aboard the GIF train once again! This blog has been getting quite a response--more than 14,000 views--and this post is a fun little celebration of that.

This post features renditions of me, and how I perceive myself as reacting to certain situations.
Thanks for reading and enjoy!

{if the GIFs arent moving at first, scroll your mouse over them}

When I'm at a party and people start to bicker about politics and or religion.


When my downstairs neighbor pops out to tell my husband and I about his jogging schedule.


When creeps check me out.


When I think flirting at the DMV will get me assisted sooner.


When I finished Deathly Hallows.


When people ask me what my plans are.


When I get into bed after a long night.


When I see someone staring at my scars.


When I watch Titanic / Dr. Zhivago / The Blind Side / Father of the Bride / Finding Neverland


When I overhear someone declining cake.


When I'm acting like my normal self.


When I'm waiting to pull into a parking spot and another driver thinks 
they can sneak in in front of me.

When it's time for my bath.


When people try to talk to me about bad fiction,
AKA anything vampire related / Twilight50 Shades of Grey

Whenever I read JFK's inaugural speech.


Whenever I try to cook a fancy dinner and the usual happens...i.e. something goes horribly wrong, usually resulting in a minor kitchen fire.


When my team makes a touchdown.


When I'm talking about Bobby Kennedy and people don't understand and think I'm overreacting.


My "oooh really?" face, a tamer version of "bitch, please."


Reading Peyton Place.


When there are kids playing loudly on the apartment landing
and I politely ask them to pipe down.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A Utah (wo)man am I !!!

Let me preface this by saying
Whew, feels so good to get that off my chest.

Now let's get into it.
I love the University of Utah.
Not just because my husband graduated from there, my mom and brother both went there, and my great grandmother was one of the first women to get a degree from there, but those are definitely a few good reasons why.
It is a great school. They do marvelous things there.
And Eli and I still love to go mosey around campus because it is so beautiful, especially in the autumn, to stroll around that campus with its bizarre hills and staircases and hundred year old trees.

And BYU...well.
Yes, it is a nice school, as great programs, and also does wonderful things.
But they don't serve coffee on campus.
Girls can only have one piercing on each ear, guys can't wear beards, and open homosexuality is banned. It is kind of like another planet, where men must wear shoes at all times and everyone is decaffeinated.
But the main reason BYU can go suck a coffee bean is because of the way thy treated me mom.
A non-Mormon, she started college in South Dakota, did some schooling in Paris, and finished her degree at BYU. She liked it there, and was very active in campus life.
And being a conservative girl from a small town, everyone assumed she was LDS.
When she won the Belle of the Y competition (like Miss America, for BYU), part of her winnings was an interview with the Prophet of the LDS Church.
The next day, in the school paper, the headline was that the Prophet had declared my mother
In class that day, one of her friends turned to her and smiling innocently said "I didn't know you were a heathen!!"  Ew Ew.
And it was considered a SCANDAL that a non-Mormon had won Miss BYU, so they

Hearing this story as a kid, my hatred of BYU was born.
And when I was considering going to BYU for a law degree, I learned that if I were caught doing something in violation of the honor code, like having a beer, or making out with my boyfriend in public, ZAP--I would be kicked out.

So you see why this is a big deal rivalry to me: I love the U, and I hate BYU (most fans love the U so much it causes them to hate BYU, but I have my own reasons on the side).
The rivalry here is so intense they call it The Holy War.

It has been a crazy football season so far for the U,
and the rivalry game was only the 3rd one they played this season.
And it was the craziest football game I have ever seen.
Eli and I watched part of it at the bar at WingNutz, wolfing down wings with Heineken and screaming louder than anyone in the joint.
I was eating peanuts too, and when I snapped one open, I got some shell in my eye.
It stuck right to my contact, over my pupil, and I could not get it out!!
So we had to leave around halftime, which was fine since we were tired anyway (the game kicked off at 8pm and ran until midnight).
We finished watching the game in bed and we were going wild!
The fans rushing the field, the fans being kicked off the field, BYU getting another shot and flubbing it, the fans rushing the field again, and finally...BYU's kick hitting a upright.
It was incredible. A nail-biter.
And the Utes won!! But BYU's fans are teeming with excuses as to why we don't deserve it, as usual.

But both teams played well, which is what made it so fun to watch, and a definitive rivalry game!
Now for the gloating....

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Because You Deserve It

I'm sorry.
I've been hoarding these badass Seinfeld GIFs.
I wasn't ready to unleash their hysterical awesomeness on the globe yet.
But I see now that I was just being selfish.
So here they are.
And if you are confused by them, it means you haven't accepted Seinfeld into your life.
And your life, therefore, is sadly lacking.

The creeeeeeepy doll


Once..Twice..Three times a lady!

Who does not want to wear zee ribbon?!

Little Jerry

Happy dance!

There had to be a second spitter..