Shit best friends say

Some real-life excerpts from the conversations between Torie and I.



"That dog and that baby should get married and live in hell."

"People that don't know about shit shouldn't try to talk about it to sound informed."

"I miss Sirius Black."

"I did all the crap I was supposed to. Can I have wine now?"

"How's your rash?"  "Same, how's yours?"  "Same."

"They're lucky I don't own a god-damned gun."

"I always approve of drunk texting."

"Be careful, you may end up in the Painful Lives section of the bookstore."

"Add that to your list of things-to-ask-the-doctor-about."

"That bitch!!!"

"And by StupidFace, you mean David Cameron, right?"

"Your input is appreciated."

"Woah. That shit belongs in Painful Lives for sure."

"Agreed: McGeorge Bundy IS the worst name ever."

"Thiiiiiiiinner!"  "RACCCCCCCHHHHEEEEEL!"

"Have a giant glass of wine and a bacon sandwich."

"That dog didn't look too impressed in that photo."

"Call me. I need international emotional support."

"Why the hell don't they have foam parties in America?!"

"Care for some ORANGE JUICE?!"  "Why yes, thank you! I love it when people offer me orange juice."  "What's that? You don't just STEAL their JUICE out of their fridge?!"

"I need you. To hold up my ass when I drink."

"You're injured again?! How the hell did you manage that?"

"No, you can't eat my fish and chips!"

"Good thing we have Steve preparing Mars for sustainable human life."

"Neil, Bobby, and Jack all deserve to be drunk to!"

"Being doped up all the time is definitely losing its touch."

"Make your teddy dance for me!"

"I'm being all historyish and it's annoying people."

"Basically she's a bitch."

"Bacon sandwiches help everything."

"I love that picture! We must have been drinking at that point."

"CHICAGOCHICAGOCHICAGOCHICAGO"