Wednesday, April 24, 2013

April is the cruellest month

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering        
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.

Please tell me you recognize those words as I do.
I love T.S. Eliot. I still have my heavily annotated copy of The Waste Land that Eli bought me years and years ago, when we were dating and he knew just how to impress me.

Oh April. You've been pretty nifty.  You haven't been that cruel, though full of the wacko weather Utah is prone to in the spring (rain, sun, HAIL!, 70 degrees, snow) and some fun times.
I'm betting on you April--betting you will be the month in which we get our home.

We did a mad scramble last night, seeing 7 (or was it 9?) houses after work. Which is exhausting.  Especially when you see the creepy way that people live.  Let me show you some examples:

This beauty, of galloping wiener dogs, was BIG. And mounted above the bed in the master.
Nothing sets the mood like rabid, charging daschunds. Know what I'm sayin?

There are no words for this one.  It is so horrifying and nonsensical that I must have it.
They are spray painting a flamingo. SPRAY PAINTING A FLAMINGO PEOPLE!!! Painting his head white.  And then we have the grim reaper of birds, or a rat wearing a hangman's mask on the left.  Wowza.

This little boy ("Jason" on the door) had a lilac room COVERED in his collectibles. In boxes.
That plaque says Choose The Right.
I like that it is mounted below the Star Wars toys (there weren't any Star Trek toys here, so clearly he did choose the right. Oh snap).  I always feel sorry for kids that don't have the toys out of the box though, you know?

This house was literally the Last House On The Left.
Which is a horror movie that has been remade.
And this house was a horror movie.  The basement was a maze where they send people to go pee and then those people get lost and a clown comes from under the stairs with a butcher's knife.
And they had a "play house" (AKA death trap) in the back that was eerie.
Our agent mentioned seeing Chucky (the killer doll) back there and Eli was out of that house SO FAST it made my head spin (that is a childhood fear he never grew out of).

We saw another house, the last one on our list, and it was adorable.
But it just wasn't right.  Kind of like a dress that is hot on the rack, you try it on and you look fabulous, but it is a little snug in the hips and the colors just don't rub you 100% rightly. 
If that makes sense.
We loved it-- it was cozy and decorated so nicely we would not have had to re-paint or re-carpet really.
But there was something just OFF.
It can all be summed up metaphorically by the dog.
If you know me or have read my blog a bit, you know the husband and I love dogs.  We are obsessed and cannot wait to get one. Particularly, a Bernese Mountain Dog,

They are INCREDIBLE animals.  A Bernese is our dream dog, but they are so hard to come by.
I went to college with one (no jokes) and he was brought home from Switzerland (where Bernese are native to, hence the fur).  My professor and boss had a neighbor with a Bernese named Einstein and he was in LOVE with her (the professor). She was his true Mama. And he would walk to class with her, and attend most of our history lectures (if anyone got in her face with Einstein around, they were sorry).  And after class we'd all go up to the office together for lunch.  He is the only Bernese I have ever known, and Eli knew him as well, and we have always wanted one.
There are only 2 breeders in Utah that offer Bernese and they are pricey and hard to get because the litters sell before the puppies even pop out. 
Anyhow, we desperately want one.

Yesterday we were touring this adorable house and I looked out of the window, seeing some movement, and BOOM. There in the yard is a Bernese.
I was like holy shiiiiiiit and screamed for Eli, and he saw the Bernese and freaked out. We were both like "they have our dog! Where did they get him from?! Oh my gosh it is a sign!"
But the longer we were in that house, the more I felt it was not right.
And I decided to go outside and see this amazing dog I dream about.
I approached the fenced in dog run and that dog started barking viciously at me.
He was intimidating and not friendly in the slightest and I was like "I love Bernese, but this dog is wrong."
And it is a metaphor for the house.
We love houses and dream about them, but just because it looks right appearance-wise does not mean it is a good fit.

Wow. I just compared a dog and a house.
I feel like both my imagination and writing skills have gone down the toileyyyy.But there you have it.
So we didn't make an offer.
And this stressed me out as we got home and I took a hot shower, feeling like maybe we were making the wrong decision, but as soon as Eli said "we can let that house go" I felt an immense sense of relief and stood there with conditioner in my hair smiling, realizing that yes that house was close,
but close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
They say when you find the right house, you will know.

I pulled up my listings today and found Maybe-Our-House.
It just hit the market this morning, is in a perfect location, great yard with old shady trees, has a gorgeous wood floor in the entryway, a master with big closet and bath, and all around just looks like Our House.  Maybe.
My blood started pumping when I saw it and I was FREAKING OUT.
Which I have never done about a house before.  My heart was literally pounding and I told Eli "CALL OUR AGENT NOW! WE NEED TO SEE THIS ASAP."
And we are leaving work early for the day, in an hour, to go check it out.
It might be our house, it might not. 

But . . .  there is this horoscope website I love.
I probably shouldn't be admitting that, it is so fruit-loopy and I don't believe in all of that stuff, but they are interesting to read.
Anyway, this website is very in-depth and in my Leo's December horoscope last year mentioned bones breaking because of some-planet-being-all-up-in-another-planet's-grill, which apparently bakes you prone to fractures.
And my jaw broke in December.
So I decided to read it occasionally, and it said that on April 25 (tomorrow), a "home-related plan will come to fruition."  
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!!! Eli and I are both Leos, and that is a Leo horoscope...


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