Friday, December 28, 2012

Things I Don't Need to Hear at Work

I don't need you to give me a verbal tutorial on QUILTING for 45 minutes.
This gem of a lecture came from the Printer Nazi, that I wrote about last week.
She purrs at the sound of her own voice.

About how yoga makes you fart.

That you have a small cervix.

About your ex-husband committing suicide. In detail.
And about the emotional repercussions on your kid.
This 2 hour discussion should probably be saved for another time...and for people you know better.

About the pot brownies you made for dinner last night
(this was funny, but still...not good when brought up in front of Printer Nazi, who is an uppity Mormon that files complaints to HR for a person breathing wrong)

About the Halloween costumes you've worn for the last 9 years of your life.  Another gem from Printer Nazi.  Who thinks that sewing a floor-length candy corn outfit is the best thing since Jesus.
It inspires me to make a slutty candy corn outfit. 

I don't need to hear about your crush on a football player.  In creepy, sexual detail.  The girl at fault for this conversation went on for 30 minutes about this guy and her eyes glazed over and she got all flushed and I honestly think she ran off to the bathroom afterward to touch herself.

I also don't like nearly biting through my tongue in an effort to prevent myself from bitch-slapping you when you make racist remarks.
Or yell at people on your 4 hour personal phone calls for "speaking with an accent."  This one comes from the trashy member of our department, that wants "American to be the national language." Yup.
She also likes to talk in depth about gorey childbirths.
And go for "long walks" for the health of her baby (she is 7 months pregnant).
She comes back from these walks with a bag of Taco Bell, reeking of cigarette smoke.  For the health of the baby.

Well, it's time for me to blow this joint and get some sushi with my hubby.
It's been a long week (even though we had 2 days off for Christmas), mainly because I've been working 11 hour days and some of these co-workers (as mentioned above) are driving me batshit crazy!

Printer Nazi is now sharing her BLOG ABOUT QUILTING with us.
F*cking kill me.

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