Friday, March 1, 2013

February is a Trashy Illiterate Redneck.

Hey everyone, have you heard? Have you seen?

It is MARCH!

That awful February, full of snow and mud and more snow and snow mold and inversion, darkness, depression, animosity, and not nearly enough cupcakes, is OVER.
This is better than New Year's.
It is actually warmer and bluer outside.

They say March comes in like a lion, and leaves like a lamb.
I say CHEERS TO LIONS! I could use some more lion in my life.  And lambs are okay by me too.
As long as they don't have anything to do with February.
(Which they don't.  February is kind of the uneducated, illiterate, redneck of a month that wants to be cool but just doesn't get it. Especially allusions and metaphors.  It thinks it can polish itself up with the whole Valentine's bullshit, but that is some cheap attempt at fake class. And February HATES crossword puzzles. Do you see why we don't get along?)

March, on the other hand, is the super chill guy that can befriend anyone, and knows the best bars in every town in Western America, and always has the latest slang phrases from Ukraine. 
March has edgy jokes that aren't racist, holds the doors open for ladies, doesn't believe in vegetarianism, and always has his fridge stocked with good beer. And he believes in sharing.

He listens to Styx and parties on Thursdays and doesn't have anything bad to say about anyone.

So welcome March.  Sit back, kick your feet up, pop open a Guinness. We're glad you're here.
Stay awhile?

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