Translation: We had our inspection yesterday, we are getting the house.
Ahem. Ahem. I said
WE ARE GETTING THE HOUSE
So now I can relax and lean into it.
Before I was excited but so very nervous because of what happened with the first house. Anyone can polish a turd.
And if this house had failed inspection, we would be screwed my friends, so thoroughly screwed. Because rates have increased, asking prices of houses have shot up, the market is overwhelmed with buyers (just ask me how many houses we've lost contracts on during this crazy time), and our lease is ending. So we basically would have had to get into another cheap apartment and bide our time until next year, when rates and prices will be UP again.
That was the source of all this stress. I thought we were buying that old cottage and was mentally arranging furniture and planning patio parties, and when it failed inspection it hit me like a cannonball to the left boob. Ouch.
And you know how things like that make you wary and skeptical.
Plus we love this house. We WANT it, and not because it is just some place to dump out stuff and sleep. It has personality. It has charm. It is us.
It was very unlikely it would fail inspection because this house is 85 years newer than the last one we had under contract, and they've taken care of it and not done a bunch of illegal things and then covered them up, and major stuff (the roof, furnace, AC) were all replaced 4 years ago.
I wasn't able to attend this inspection because I was absolutely swamped at work, so I sent my boys (my husband and my dad, both Mr. Fixer-Upper) along, and our inspector is a badass as well. So I put it into their hands and camped out at my desk busting out loans while suffering from major anxiety and texting Eli every 20 minutes for an update.
He decided to pull my leg and I can usually tell when he is kidding around, but when I'm all worked up and we're talking on the phone so I can't see that twinkle in his eye, it gets damn hard to tell.
I had just gone downstairs to brew a soothing cup of peppermint tea and called Eli to see how the inspection was going.
To which he decided to put some concern and disappointment in his voice and say "well you know how we thought the first house was bad..? This one... it's WORSE."
Which made my heart fall out of my butt and my hands just flung themselves out from my body uncontrollable and whoooosh there goes that hot sweet tea all over my day's report and into my caddy that holds my office supplies.
I've soaked up most of it, but today my pushpins are still floating in old tea.
All of my inked notes have run all down the page and my green highlighter turned my report into a mortgage firm watercolor painting.
But I was relieved. And laughing to myself as I mopped up that hot water, which probably made my co-workers nod their heads to one another and whisper I told you she was batshit crazy!
But now we're getting a house and my desk is peppermint scented, so. what.?!
We are 21 days away from Closing, Miss Victoria (my best friend, who happens to be British, and makes an annual journey to stay with us in the summer) will arrive July 10th. Let the countdown to craziness begin!
Anyhow, when something major like this happens and every body part on your heaves a sigh of relief (seriously--I can still feel my kidneys exhaling and my pinkie toe unfurling from its anxious fetal position), you start to make plans.
Is a Big Deal.
Making Plans indicates hope, a faith in the future, a desire to grow.
And now we have somewhere to put our roots down.
So I am going to create my LIFE LIST.
Of course I already have one, but it is scribbled partially in an old high school journal, partially on a napkin I lost in Norway, partially on a canvas that accidentally was painted over, and a lot still in my head.
I always go "oooh I'd like to do that one day" and then don't write it down and as we all know, if you don't respect the muse and document that shit when it hits you, it is gone with the wind.
So I'm gonna do it. I think I'll get a pretty little leather book dedicated solely to it, but I'll start here, on the blog, where it is safe (especially from the hectic danger of the move, when precious things can be lost).
Here we go.
- Completely transform myself into a retro bombshell for a day. Maybe in a gingham bikini and kitten heels...or red lipstick and an apron and martini with rolled hair. Either way--it has to be 100% ! No fake eyelashes and then modern Converse sneakers. I'm talking if I took a time machine to 1961 they'd welcome me as their own and not go "gee whiz, what kind of earrings are those? Where are your pearls darling??"
- Master an English accent, Cockney as my ultimate goal.
- Get my piano skills back.
- Scuba dive
- Paint my toenails only on the nail. And not get any polish on my skin.
- Spend at least 3 nights on the Italian coast with Eli (Sorrento and Portofino are required)
- Memorize my ancient runes
- Eat escargot IN Paris (it's good in Utah, but just feels illegitimate)
- Teach a child to read
- Milk a cow
- See Guernica again with Eli
- Dance like Zorba under the Mykonos windmills
- Meet another member of the Kennedy family
- Make an Aqua Velva cocktail
- Watch all of Roots with Eli (this is more of a challenge of persuading him to do it than anything).
- Complete my book
- Experience a true rainforest
- Drink homemade moonshine in the Old South.
- Feed the pigeons at St. Mark's
- Watch Titanic all the way through without speaking any of the lines.
- Tour Mankato, Minnesota and experience the Betsy/Tacy historical sites. Picnic on the Big Hill mandatory.
- Learn another language (building on my Spanish doesn't count)
- Get another degree
- Visit Gettysburg, Prince Edward Island, Sands Point, and Salem.
- Witness a ghost
- Learn to dance the jitterbug
- Read War and Peace
- Have a history article published
- Ride bareback
- Change a stranger's life
- Write a collection of ekphrastic poetry
- Speak fluently in 1920s slang
- Frolic with a goat (I am not kidding)
- Perform an I Love Lucy reenactment in front of a crowd
I think that is a marvelous beginning, don't you??
You can make your own life list, view the lists of others, and read some awesome articles at