Wednesday, April 25, 2012

When your boss tells you you're fat

Hopefully that day never comes for me.
For two of my co-workers, that time was today.
One of them is only slightly bigger than me! I'm curvy, but not fat, not really..


Today was a beast. This whole week actually.
On Monday I wore some cute new shoes and, as is the curse with most cute shoes, they destroyed my feet, which is not very difficult to do actually. I have the worst kind of feet--flat, sensitive, prone to twists and sprains, and more of a 3/4 size than anything.
But I can handle mean shoes, especially in comparison with the worst part of my Monday; an old history pal of mine committed suicide. I can't even talk about it.
The IBS I have that is stress triggered has a bit of a delay, so the stress from hearing about my friend hit me on Tuesday and left me bloated and just...not in a happy digestive state.

So Tuesday found me in flats and my loosest dress pants.
My boss, The Boss, just couldn't help himself. 
"Get your damn pants tailored!!! Where are your legs? Why aren't you wearing high heels??!"

And so, today, a sleek new lavender dress, my damn nylons, and cute (uncomfortable) pumps.
He didn't say a word. Well, outfit-wise at least.

He had his fangs out all day! Everyone in the office was on eggshells and asking me to conduct their business with them because no one wanted to even cross the threshold into his office, AKA The Pit of Despair. I was the messenger, and The Boss doesn't believe in that saying "Don't kill the messenger."
I was timidly choking that phrase out today, after he threw a microphone at my coworker, and he looked a me, venom in his eyes, and I stopped short.

But I can only stand by and take it so much. Then my fangs come out. And my fangs have some pretty good girth to them, due to years of exercise. They are the most exercised feature on my body! Ha.

But going fang-to-fang with your boss is tricky...anyone who has seen one of those tacky vampire movies knows that.

So I kept it subtle..and sweet---sugared fangs, if you will.

When he snapped at me "WHERE YOU BORN IN A BARN??"
I smiled innocently and wide-eyed at him and said
"No...I was just raised in one."

At the end of the day he bestowed a gift upon me... his iPad.
No, not for keeps. He wanted a new protective cover put on it, and then for me to deliver it to his home. He waited until the end of the day to tell me, knowing it would make me work late and get stuck in traffic.
Oh, the price I pay for my wit.
It goes unappreciated, but not unpunished.

And coming out of SimplyMac I twisted my ankle (in those f$#%i%g high heels!).

I made a stop at my local haven, AKA the liquor store, on my way home.
No surprise, I ran into another co-worker who had been driven to drink by the day we both had.
Smiles were exchanged, words unnecessary.

I finally got home and was reaching into the cupboard for the appropriate drink supplies and the god-damned metal martini shaker came crashing 5 feet down onto my pinkie toe (on the twisted ankle).
I think it is broken.

This was taken 15 minutes after the fact.

But...the workweek is winding down. And my favorite flower in the world is in bloom.

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