Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Taylor Swift, Wannabe Kennedy

So the Kennedys, yes. Here we go again.
I know this isn't my business and all that jazz about celebrity gossip, but come on. It's the Kennedys. I spent a year of my life researching them. And I've had a pseudo-correspondence with RFK Jr.
 That gives me rights! So here we go.

Eli thinks I'm jealous that Taylor Swift is dating Bobby's grandson.
Most definitely not. One husband is enough for me, thank you very much!
And I've never gone for the younger men.

I'm just being protective.
And Vicky feels the same on this matter, being a Kennedy buff herself.
We were discussing it this morning.

We never had a problem with Taylor Swift...until now. She seems a bit of a phony trying to hang with America's royal family, maintaining her innocent naive facade all the while.

Taylor latches onto men that are currently in the spotlight.  One of the Jonas brothers, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, you get the idea.
So Conor Kennedy's mother kills herself in May, the family ends up in the papers, and since July Taylor is joined at the hip with him and rumor is she is buying a Cape Cod house next door to the Kennedy Compound.

And people think I'm a Kennedy stalker?

Dropping $5 million to get a house in your boyfriend's backyard?
When he still lives with his family?! By the way, he is 18 and she is 4 years older than him.

And it isn't healthy for someone who lost his mother 3 months ago to be palling around with a celebrity he hasn't known very long, unable to keep his hands off her (in true male Kennedy style).

And it gets creepier.
She is making a conscious effort to dress like Jackie---the chic dead great Aunt of her boyfriend.
It's a bit obvious.

And disturbing.

Yes Jackie was a gorgeous fashion icon, but based on Taylor's typical country-girl style and the 2 month turnaround to her preppy Kennedy wardrobe, it's obvious it isn't just a young adult style evolution.
She's trying to fit in with the Kennedys, and she is trying hard.

And the red lipstick?!

She isn't just going for the "born and raised in Hyannis Port" look (simple cotton dresses, Ray Bans, polos, loafers, pleats), she is going for the "Camelot" look--the peak of Kennedy power in the 1960s.

Ease up on the polka dots, girl!

So can Taylor cut it as a Kennedy??

The first problem is that pale pale skin.
No Kennedy tan there.

And they will be able to smell an impostor--she is trying too hard.

And the Kennedys prefer brunettes. She is far too blonde.

Keep in mind what happened to other blondes that got swept up in the Kennedys.

Namely Mary Jo Kopechne, who drowned in the backseat of Ted Kennedy's car, and, of course,

Hope she is up for some tackle football.

And being tackled by Kennedy supporters if she breaks Conor's heart and writes a song about it.

Marrying into the clan is dangerous, and doesn't ensure her status as a Kennedy.  "Taylor Kennedy" sounds awful anyway.

All I know is
if she dyes her hair brown and puts on pearls,
I'm gonna bust a cap.

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