Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Burning Sage

This last weekend was born in hell.
It had its wondrous moments that made the trip worth it, but then there was the fact that I felt like shit the entire time (antibiotics that made me pukey, Lortab that made 3 mile hikes ominous and hazy), and the fact that I cut a decent-sized chunk out of my finger. Then there was the family squabbling and worrying and the unique kind of exhaustion that hours on end in a car will give you.

Some of the wondrous moments (in no particular order):
Driving into Mt. Carmel and seeing all the constellations (no light pollution there!), marvelling at the sour yellow moon, while listening to Fight Club.
Yes, I said listening - Eli has the movie on his phone and we plugged it into the stereo. We've seen it enough times that we don't need to watch it, and it is made well enough that it could practically be a book on tape!

Learning the history behind Mt. Carmel Junction, where we stayed. It involved a tough old broad named Fern that built the town out of nothing. When life gave her lemons (i.e. the government trying to take her water rights away) she made sweet lemonade (building a golf course to get those water rights back)!

Bryce Canyon Natural Bridge
It is really an arch. It is fabulous. It could collapse at any time. Eli wanted to throw a snowball at it and speed up that process, but after much discussion it was concluded that despite his incredible manly strength he wouldn't be able to reach the arch.
Bryce was just incredible in general. Treacherous, but gorgeous.
Me "in" the arch

The drive into Kanab. With a man's strange acre of property that included a pond and canoe, one of those paddle boat things (for leisurely rides around his private little pond), fire pit, a few rusty tractors, a dog, a white horse, a "John Stewart for President" sign, and his house: an ancient wooden monstrosity (it was actually cute) built underneath a rocky ledge. Hmm.... Eli and I called him "pioneer man." We think he is living the dream.

Best Friends. The no-kill animal sanctuary down there. I finally went! It is on 3600 acres and some of it is in a beautiful orange rock canyon. We didn't go on a tour because we didn't have time (and we would have adopted 8 animals) but we drove through Dog Town, talked to the workers, bought a birthday gift for my mom, and talked to a couple of potbelly pigs. They were the happiest pigs I have ever seen! But if I lived in Best Friends I would be pretty damn cheery too. It was delightful. When I have enough extra $$ for charitable purposes, they are #1 on my list.

Picnic in Zions. We ate next to The Pulpit and watched 2 rock climbers hundreds of feet above us on a sheer cliff face. And then we hiked Emerald Pools. Very nifty.

Rock Shop!
I absolutely adore rock shops and we don't have too many in Utah, so I always make sure to stop in Southern UT and peek around. I used to put on shows with my own collection when I was a kid and give miniature "lectures" on geology. I wish I remembered all of the names of the rocks! Maybe I should pick that hobby back up.

About my finger....On Saturday night I was just knackered. Trying to hike on Lortab is an experience I don't want to repeat. When we got back to the room I'm not quite sure what happened but I passed out on the wall next to the heater. When Eli found me he thought I was taking a cute little nap, but I honestly don't remember how I got there.
We went into Kanab for dinner and I went rapidly downhill, running to the bathroom to throw up and trying to survive everyone gobbling down runny Mexican food while I held my breath and focused on the tacky pictures and sculptures mounted to the walls.
When we got home, after a drive with the nieces/nephews arguing about whether or not werewolves and vampires are real ("I know vampires is real because I AM ONE! Booooooooo") I was preparing to melt into a hot bath and got in my ditty bag for shampoo.
My razor, which looks like this
had fallen out of its carrying case.
And this baby is lethal. It is old school, where you switch out the blades by hand, and boy is it sharp! I have cut myself many-a-time (Eli et al. is always scolding me to stop using it) but the smooth shave is just so worth it! And what is a slice in the knee compared to that?
Ok, I admit, it has gone too far. I am in an abusive relationship with my razor, and clearly in denial.

So, reach into the bag, a sharp wet pain, and I yank my hand out to find my left pointer finger is missing a piece.
There was so much blood and I started jabbering at Eli, unable to form words. I just waved my hand in his face going"aaaah huh uh oooh uh" (Translation: PART OF MY FINGER WAS CUT OFF! I AM GOING TO BLEED OUT! HELP HELP HEEEEEEEEELP).
He is used to seeing me injure myself in stupid ways, but this one really freaked him. Both of us. We were both jabbering and dancing around the blood drops.

There wasn't a hospital or anything nearby. We were in the middle of nowhere. Eli ran to the hotel room over to get a First Aid kit from his brother-in-law while I soaked a towel through with the blood (My apologies, again, to the maid). The finger tip is apparently so vascularized that it'll just keep on bleedin' out, and I was getting lightheaded. I had to raise it above my heart while Eli made a tourniquet.
He took apart the razor to get the skin out, to see how deep it was (we couldn't see the end of the cave through the blood. It made a clean cut, with no flap. It took almost 1/4 a centimeter of flesh out of me.We could literally see the inside of my finger and it ain't pretty. We taped/wrapped the shit out of it but it still looks like this:

I saw a doctor about it yesterday and basically I can't do a damn thing. They need the skin flap fresh to sew it back on and it would have had to be treated immediately, which just wasn't an option. I severed some nerve endings, so I'm going to have a dented, scarred finger that is numb in that spot. Bummer.
At least it is kinda shaped like a warped heart. Lovely.

This came as part of the long line of bad luck I've had this last week, which just will not quit! Did someone put a curse on me?! Last night I was opening a container of candy and sliced my other hand on it. WTF?
This morning the fridge slammed shut on my funny bone.
When I get a spare minute I'm going to the witch doctor/natural store to buy some sage and cleanse all of this bad luck/tainted aura crap away. If that does't work I'll end up as one of those quacks that carries crystals in their pockets and rabbits feet tied to their purses, because I am that desperate for this mean streak to end! I will even meditate and levitate and whatever people do to magnetize the kindness of the universe. Om....Om....Om.... Namaste.

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