Monday, March 19, 2012

No One Expects the Spanish Inquisition.

So my streak of bad luck
has continued.

Maybe a sage cleansing is in order...?

On Thursday I was eating and had severe pain in my mouth
that lasted into Friday.
And on Friday part of my molar fell out.
And I bled and bled and bled.

I got an emergency appointment with the dentist
and he "fixed" it. Yet the pain continued.
I couldn't even eat breakfast this morning.
And yogurt is NOT real lunch.
So tomorrow I am going to a specialist for...

ANOTHER ROOT CANAL! Wooooooh. I win.

On Saturday we visited Eli's sweet sick Grandma
who is in the hospital for a dangerous case of bronchitis.
We are all very worried about her.
After wandering around St. Mark's forever trying to find her room,
she was asleep. And we couldn't wake her,
so we left a note and a shamrock necklace.
We had some pretty unsatisfactory pizza
that made both Eli and I sick the next day.
But we felt ok Saturday night and went to a friend's for a St. Paddy's Party.
In matching shirts. Hell yes.

We were having a grand ol' time doing Irish car bombs when some strange guy showed up
with some friends
and proceeded to whack my injured finger (remember the gaping hole I have in it?)
with a plastic sword.
I told him, in not kind words, to STOP IT BECAUSE IT F##### HURTS.
He said "oh really?" and whacked it again.

If he had not have left shortly thereafter he would have found himself
with a wound similar to mine,
though not on his finger.

That night, my friend was telling me about a woman
who lives in her same complex that is a nutter that is also on drugs.
And she is fixated on one parking spot in the entire small lot (8 spots)
that she is convinced is hers (it isn't).
Because it is an enormous difficulty for her to walk an extra 5 feet.
She is in her 30s and is not disabled in any way (except for the drugs).
And when my friend parked in "her" spot, after leaving her bitchy notes,
this crazy creature keyed the crap out of her car--all down the length of it
on the driver's side.

We were all righteously indignant
but friend didn't mention that my car
happened to be parked in that spot.
And when we came to pick it up the next morning...

This picture doesn't do justice to just how deep the scratch is.
Mature, crazy bitch, real mature.
So we called the cops and she wouldn't answer her door,
so we are going to file a civil suit against her.

The only true wonderful thing that happened to me this week
(besides drinking Macallan whisky, playing some badass old arcade games, and gorging myself on BBQ chips with Eli while watching Dog the Bounty Hunter reruns)

Their names are Sohpie and Walter.
and they are lushes.

Just kidding.
They are in love and incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and sweet.
They literally have to be next to each other at all times, even while perched on our fingers, flying, eating, the works.

Eli has them hooked on 80s power ballads. They are wrecked.
They don't like The Beatles and all Bob Dylan appreciation
has been wiped out by Pat Benetar.
Their current favorite song is "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO and
boy do they sing along when it comes on!

We are getting along very quickly as far as training them.
They already step out of the cage onto our fingers,
know how to "ladder" up our fingers,
eat out of our hands,
and they are trying their darndest to mimic us.
We are the happiest little mixed family of four.
And somehow that makes everything else better.
Even the root canal sounds a little less torturous when I know I'm coming home to
sweet chirping and Eli encouraging me to gorge myself on superman ice cream.

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