What to do when the toilet overflows

Step 1:  When you hear your pal screaming for you to come quick, don't say "be there in a minute"  
             and brush it off.

Step 2:  When she starts screaming in a more panicked way, get your ass into the bathroom.
              Ignore the smell, the raw sewage flooding the floor, and try to get at the water knob to    
              turn the damn thing off.

Tip:  Do not wear your long sweatpants into the flooded bathroom. They may be ruined.

Step 3: Use multiple rolls of paper towels to sop up the mess.
            Don't run out of paper towels. It makes things a lot lot lot worse. Trust me.

Step 4: Survey the damage and toss anything that has been contaminated. Your husband's shaving  
            ditty bag, bath mats, trash cans, etc.

Step 5: Laugh about it with your friend. Discuss the random absurdity and grossness of it.


Tip: Treat yourself to a strong cocktail at this point and call maintenance.


I was out buying new bath mats today (to replace the ruined ones) and realized I never related this story.
When Vicky was in town we had this incident. It was awful!
We had never had a problem with that toilet.
We had a party, and the next morning, this happened. Vicky flushed it and everything came back up (no, she did not clog it---we think some drunk fool put a plastic party cup in it the night before).

And let me tell you....dealing with the stench of this when you are hungover is possibly the worst thing ever.
Or at least the worst thing to have happen when you are hungover.

We called our apartment's maintenance and they said it "is not an emergency because you have another toilet."
So we had to wait more than a day for them to come and repair the thing and we had candles burning, essential oils, air fresheners taking over our place just to mask the disaster.

Right after it happened, Vicky and I turned to each other and gave one another that look and said "this could only happen to us."
If the toilet does happen to flood (and I mean FLOOD---Noah's Ark style insanity), it is best to have your best friend by your side.  Because then there is at least a little humor in the situation.
And that's all I have to say about that.