Monday, May 7, 2012

You get more mileage from a cheap pair of sneakers

It's a Billy Joel kind of morning!!
I can tell this week is going to be absolutely batshit crazy, so let me get this out while I can...


I am going back to All American Blonde.
I don't know if hair karma exists or what, but things just haven't been to hot as long as I've been a brunette (since November). It probably doesn't help that I sheared off my long blonde locks and dyed them brown the day before surgery..but I thought it would be something fresh and fun, after having had the long blonde hair for so long.
So, Day 1 of the new hair, and I had the surgery where they put in my implant posts...the ones that I was allergic to that made me sick for nearly 7 months. Not the best start.
Then I got salmonella and ended up in the ER twice for it (it gave me colitis..I had a morphine drip and everything). And it was the most bizarre case of salmonella ever--the Health Department conducted an investigation because it was such a serious instance, and found the source to be raw, unpasteurized milk.
Weird, right? Add the fact that I am allergic to dairy, and don't drink milk!!!
And then the job I was out turned into hell on earth (a sexist, racist, verbally-abusive, angry, red-faced British boss man that was attempting to sexually harass me) and I left. And was unemployed for a stint.
And had a myriad of health problems in the meantime, among other not-so-fun things.

And I just feel more like myself as a blonde! I was a little shiny blondie until I was 5, and cut all of my hair off (you would think I learned my lesson here). Funny story, actually...
CHILDHOOD MEMORY DIGRESSION: I had gorgeous long, blonde ringlets, but every day when Mom and I walked down the driveway to meet my brother coming home from school I saw all of the "cool, older girls" walking home from school and most of them had cute little bobs. So one afternoon, when Mom and I were having naptime, I pretended to fall asleep, waited for her to go lie down in her room, snuck into her sewing kit, got the scissors, and hacked all of my hair off.
On one side of my head.
Like short short--shorter than the Beatles' hair. And on one side!! I literally remember thinking "she won't notice...heeheehee" and I hid the hair behind the sofa (genius move, no?).
Then I went for my nap. When Mom woke me up from my nap and found my hair missing on half of my head, she screamed and I turned to her innocently and said "What?"
Obviously we had to even it out, so all of my hair was cut short short and I looked like a little boy for a while. And it turned brown. Apparently my blondeness was offended by a bad hair cut and turned tail and fled.
So...long story short (too late), I prefer being blonde and I missed it and when I got this new job that I love, I noticed my hair lightening a bit, like the real blonde me was starting to peek out. Oh how I have missed the blondeness! So I went to the salon and had him throw some more in for good measure (I forgot what a process going blonde is). And I am on my way to Good Blonde Karma once again!

I really enjoy hardware stores.
 Very strange, I know, for a girl that wears pearl earrings 4 days out of the week. It probably has a lot to do with my childhood and the fact that my dad is Mr. Fix-It and going into his workshop was always an adventure, what with the dusty jars of antique nuts and bolts, and piles of different sizes and types of wood in the corner, and all kinds of tools!! Hardware stores are like that--there is the possibility of things to build in every aisle and all kinds of strange bits and baubles.
I love the smell of fresh lumber and the candy-store look of the paint samples.

I went to the hardware store for a work errand last week, walked up to the first clerk I saw, and said "Where is your rebar?" and his jaw dropped. He looked me up and down, in my sleek work clothes and pumps and pearls and gasped "you know what rebar IS??" He wanted to propose marriage to me on the spot. It was pretty hysterical. Especially after I got the rebar and was lugging it around, absolutely covered in rust and grime, all dressed up.

I prefer a messy garden.
Yes, I know the font is screwy but I don't have the time or patience to fix it.The English have it right--the ultimate garden is a bit uncultivated, more wild and natural and overgrown (like The Secret Garden). Screw symmetry and organization--not only do they get boring after a short while, they also demand a hell of a lot more slaving over. Blah.
And they tend to have cool sculptures and stonework, which I completely dig.
Lately I have been looking at gardens (longing, longing for my own!!) with a more critical eye, and the fancy-shcmancy perfect gardens are just annoying. And those poor plants--they must feel like the children of the wealthy, locked up in mansions living boring, rigid lifestyles. No wiggle room! English gardens have wiggle room! And they are unexpected and have so much character, you never know what is going to pop up!

I judge people that keep size stickers on their hats.
You know what I'm talking about--when people buy baseball caps and keep those dumb shiny stickers on the top of the brim. Whyyyy?? It's like buying something new and not removing the price tag. Does the world need to know the size of your head? Are you trying to prove how new your dumb hat is?? Maybe I am behind the times but I just don't understand this fad.
And when I see people wearing those stickers on their hats, I lose a little bit of respect for them. Dramatic and ridiculous, I know, but so is not removing the sticker.

I have a hard time with time zones.
Pathetic for a traveller like me, but I get confused about it a lot. Even when it is just one time zone away. I am constantly communicating with people in New York and California and have to get the damn times right, especially for phone appointments, and it is a struggle!
The only time zone I never have a problem figuring out is England's and that is because Vicky lives there and we text daily and FaceTime at least once a week. But that won't be a problem by tomorrow because....SHE WILL BE IN SALT LAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you tell I'm excited??
So anyway...I just printed a U.S. map with the time zones marked on it and stuck it in my cubicle. Nerdy and pathetic, I know, but I like maps and I need it. Whatever.

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